"Sir, reports are indicating that the virus spread to humans when patient zero kissed an alpaca."
"Looks like it’s an alpaca-lips apocalypse."
Me every time I’m hungry
In honor of the two conflicting holidays
ppl in africa are dying
long-distance friendships are terrible because you can’t meet up with them whenever you want and hang out on any given day which is why when i’m president i’m relocating the entire human population into a 10,000,000 story skyscraper that also acts as a bridge from earth to the moon which comes with the added benefit of swinging the moon around like a fucking mace, god damn it’s gonna look so cool. what was i talking about
I CANT STOP LAUGHING
this will always be my favorite
planning my funeral
The United States Postal Service
I don’t understand why but I really hate this shade of blue
A default ring tone is heard. 100 moms look at their purses.
This fort will protect me from the haters
tumblr user bewbin is sexist AND CLASSIST. WOW.
Ok but don’t come running to my fort when u catch cooties